That’s it. I’m going cold turkey on nail polish. It’s bad for your nails to use it too much, it’s hard to make them look good for a long length of time, and they’ll save me on cash. Within seconds of typing this, I began applying a base coat and getting all my colours out to consider which one to do for today. It’s an addiction, what can I say? Not one like smoking, or anything, but one of those addictions that – honestly – are kind of stupid to try and give up. I mean, the nail polish also looks presentable, prevents me from biting my nails and gets attention when I change colour. It’s a balancing act.

I actually have a few addictions like these. Let me explain:

• High Heels: You can go on all you want about the bad things it could do to my feet, or the impracticably, but I’m buying them. They are like works of art to me, they make my legs look longer, and it can make an entire outfit. As for the pain, well my feet haven’t been aware of blisters until the shoe comes off since 2004/5. No big deal…

• Friends: When you get in a fight with a friend, you automatically aren’t speaking to them until one or the other apologises. And, unless it’s just plain obvious, you never think it’s your fault (with me it usually isn’t – shut up). Still, you can’t help but think of a joke you know they’d like, or a piece of gossip that really only means something to them, or an update on a secret you’ve hardly told anyone. Suddenly, the problem seems like such a small issue. But you have your pride. After a certain point, you find it hard to apologise, even when you know full well you’re in the wrong now/you realise you actually don’t really give a sh*t about what they’ve done. Painful days goes by until finally you sit next to them, and the awkward small-talk-followed-by-emotional-chit-chat can begin.
• Chocolate in a bad mood: You hate the calories, and the good stuff is bloody expensive. But, for women anyway, it’s been proven to trigger some of the same chemicals and hormones in the body as sex. In other words: it makes us feel f*cking good. The taste of that good stuff is divine, and when you’re mending a wounded heart while watching a tearjerker, it really is the cherry on top. That’s probably why most people walk over to Wellcome when they’re pissed off, even though they lose their nerve – for fear of losing cash/appearing to eat too much – and go for water and some haribo, for the adventurous ones, that is. 
• Gossip: From one of my previous blogs, you know I do like to gossip, regardless of the dangers. People blab, Chinese whispers can form, and – worse of all – something about you could be spreading. Me, I usually find that most of the gossip is bullshit about me. I’m one of those people who has the average stuff heightened, and the good stuff never revealed to the public. I suppose I can thank my amazing friends, for keeping their lips sealed so well. Well, I hope I can. Same went for my sister. A quick runner from Heathrow airport (which actually only involved her looking to see no-one was there, and speed walking out of the place) turned into a pregnancy scare, and engagement, and a studded boy on a motorcycle. But that in itself was fun to gossip about. And obviously there’s good gossip. 
• Men: OK, I was on-and-off about writing this. It seems that we can’t directly talk about it, but I’ve decided to. After all, it’s one of the female gender’s biggest addictions. In fact, it is the female gender’s biggest addiction. The straight ones with hormones who have not had sex yet, anyway. Crushes are dominant, and they’re painful. And the fact is – not wanting to isolate any male readers – you’re all bloody idiots. But somehow, our hormones are saying that we should be attracted to men, and so we are. Therefore, women are doomed to spend eternity going, ‘What the f*ck just happened there?’, ‘And I like this guy?’ etc. 

OK, I was planning on rounding it off there. But the new-found liberation of being able to talk about this taboo subject – you don’t realise how long women have been hiding this conversation from you – I’m free. Free to moan and rant. Because my blog just wouldn’t be the same without some ranting. 

Because of this new found freedom, I have compiled two more lists. Get ready, boys, because this is for you. Women, feel free to nod a long while playing angsty/romantic songs – depends on your mood.

1. WHAT MEN SHOULD KNOW:

• We’re hypocrites. On the one hand, we talk about this new generation where women can ask out men, blah blah blah. But, most of us anyway, have tried out this business of telling men how we feel, and attempting to be the dominant one of a relationship. And you know what? Most of the time, it sucks. So, now we have the wisdom, we’ve naturally gone back to the old way. Animal instinct, really. Plus, it shows that if you’re committed to asking us out, you’ll be more committed to the relationship. So, if you fancy a girl, chances are she’ll say nothing at this point. 
• The eye contact problem. This is a real big issue. Yes, if a girl makes eye contact with you a lot, it probably does mean that she likes you. However, if a girl catches you looking at her, the glances that follow could be us double-checking whether or not you’re looking at us. Girls are naturally insecure creatures. Don’t give me this bullshit about how you’re confident with yourself. If there is nothing  that you’re worried about, then you’re not human. So someone looking at us can be unnerving. So, don’t be a cocky git parading about the place about how we like you, because you could end up looking like a complete prick. If you like the eye-contact and want more, there’s only one thing to do, isn’t there? Refer to previous point & I intend on going more into the eye contact thing at a later date. 
• It’s not you, it’s your friends. One of the sole reasons for breaking up with a boy is how we see them in front of their friends. You’re sweet and funny when you’re alone, but then you hang out with your guys and all of a sudden, a nastier and more immature side comes out. We’re not telling you to leave your friends, but it does piss us off. When we hang out with you, we want the you you, just to know what we’re actually getting. We’re not into skitsos, and we’re not going to put up with it for ever. If you don’t think you can commit to that, how can you commit to a relationship? 
• The swearing and shouting is not cool. I know this is slightly hypocritical of me, but there’s a huge difference between using the f word frequently, and yelling on about ‘pussies’ etc. On that note, ‘pussies’ has to be one of the most disgusting words in my mind. It’s ruined the safe meaning for me. If you want to talk about it, how much you wank etc etc, you don’t need to do it where all can here. We don’t go shouting about who likes cock, do we? Though whether or not that would actually offend you, I’m not too sure of. 
• Just to address my first point again. Playing hard to get is fun in the first couple of weeks/month, but after that, it gets real old. If you want us, DO SOMETHING FOR F*CKS’S SAKE. You know what, screw the asterisks, this is more important. FUCKING DO SOMETHING! I don’t think you realise how often some girls hang around each other trying to read you. Then you have a whole load of mates telling the girl that he blatantly likes her, but she’s there going, ‘What the fuck?’ For Pete’s sake, I’ve seen some of you go on ledges that could lead to serious injuries, but you won’t go a girl and ask her if she wants to go to the cinema after a year of doting? You know what? Give us your testicles, if you’re not going to use them.
• That stupid laugh we loathe so much, is called a giggle. When a girl likes a boy, it is an inevitable fact that we will giggle at least once. It’s us trying to change our voice from our usual laugh to a more attractive one, even though it fails most of the time. Do not judge our giggle, but accept it, and move on. 
• We like to get your attention through clothing, makeup and hair. Once in a while, a stinking compliment wouldn’t hurt anyone. 
• Teasing, is a good thing. To a certain extent. We don’t just tease the ones we like, since we’d be kinda screwed there. But the play fights, the arm hitting, the ‘shut ups’ because we’ve forgotten how to make up a witty argument. These are all good signs. We’re not being mean to you. We just find it cute when you get embarrassed. Because it is. It’s friggen adorable, actually. There, I said it! 
• However, teasing can hurt. As we said, we’re insecure creatures. If you start saying something, and we look put off, stop immediately. Doesn’t matter whether you have a crush on said girl, or not. If we start talking in a serious voice, and aren’t being playful anymore, it means you’re pushing it. We would do the same for you, it’s just something to think about. 

2. WHAT WOMEN WOULD LIKE TO KNOW:

• Why do you guys find toilet humour funny, even to this day? I thought I’d just throw that one out there. 
• How can a girl tell that a boy likes them? We can discuss it all we like, but frankly I’m getting kind of fed up, so I’m addressing that one to you.
• Once and for all: what was on that fucking list? (Only GSIS boys really apply to this one). We’ve tried not to care, but every conversation on the matter goes like so:

Person 1: You hear about the guys making that list where they rated the girls?

Person 2: I know it’s so pathetic. I mean, to judge women like that. And they think they’re impressive for it.

Person 1: I know.

*Pause*

Person 2/1: But I really want to know where I came.

Other person: Yeah… 

• When you watch Megan Fox, do you actually pay any attention to her acting? 
• When you ask a girl out, why do you hardly ever make it obvious that you are actually asking us out? What’s with all the ‘Yeah, we should hang out some time…’ I don’t think you realise how much it affects our outfit choice. 
• If you could be one animal, what would it be?  What really happens in the PE changing rooms? Because for some reason, explanations in the past always leads to some kind of homoerotic ending. Don’t ask why, it just does.
• The secret of your fast metabolism. We want it. 
• Again, to the GSIS boys. Girls, I’m going in for one of our greatest mysteries here. So, you guys really physically CAN’T not play basketball at least once a day? Because, I’m not going to lie to you, we’re slightly lost. It’s not that you’re not – all – good, it’s just that we wonder sometimes whether some of the things you do IS trying to be impressive, but it kind of… well… fails.
• On that note. Why does everyone have to ‘own’ everyone? Where did that saying even come from? 
• Again, on that note. You do realise that you sound really cocky when you say it, yes? We’re just checking. 
• Older women. Myth or fact? 
• Do you do your own shopping? I know that  it’s moved onto fun stuff, but I’m curious. Because you guys seem to be very anti shopping and styling – most of your outfits tell us so – but it must happen form time to time? 
• If you could be one animal - A classical novel you like? Just name one, and we’ll leave you alone. 

I’m going to stop there, seen as I’ve made my longest blog so far. My final words on the matter – before the aim, anyway – will be a quote I found fairly interesting.

“The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on.” -Robert Bloch

OK, that’s not the quote, but you have to admit, it’s a good one.

“What’s with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?” -Erma Bombeck

No, seriously this time: 

“I don’t know why women want any of the things men have when one the things that women have is men.” – Coco Chanel

Aim For Next Week: One romantic act. It doesn’t have to be something significant but men, give us hope. Women, just do it to see if they notice!

Till next week x