Instead of writing an article for the school newspaper, I decided to write an article about the website Texts From Last Night- mainly to amuse myself. It’s similar to fmylife.com. Basically, any funny texts that people recieve (normally while high or drunk) are sent to the website and posted online. The numbers before the actual text are the area-codes the texts have come from, just in case you were wondering. I’m going to put up my favourites. : )

(214): dude. I’m so drunk.
(972): pete, this is bryce’s mom
(214): I can’t wait to have my cock in your ass
(972): pete, this is still bryce’s mom

(912): just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart

(203): just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you

(240): Banned from zoo.
(301): Again?

(215): he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles

(303): Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England

(905): Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
(1-905): With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.

(858): You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don’t have a cat.

(509): Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you

(972): some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.

(978): i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass….i thought i was floating butt first into heaven

(410): she called my cock the “semen sword” and then we invented a position called excalibur

(469): i just woke up and “where the fuck is taco bell” was in my search engine…

(202): therell be strippers and coke right?
(703): no strippers. just coke.
(202): i hate this fuckin recession

(315): he saw my “i like bacon” magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
(607): what a beautiful fairy tale

(678): All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
(404): You mean bread?

(757): I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming “i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!”

(870): You called information & said “connect me to johnny depp” when they told u it wasn’t listed u said ” try depp comma johnny he’s expecting my call”
(I could totally see myself doing that.)

(616): who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss

(810): kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says “knucks.” And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I’ve ever had puking.

(734): i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.

(812): McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!….how many u want?
(1-812): All of them

(408): When I’m drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i’m throwing lightning bolts into the toilet…it helps me focus.

(321): Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
(1-321): he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
(321): no his phone, idiot.

(402): what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
(1-402): are you high?

(516): Things to remember: Girls don’t appreciate it when you yell “Beast Mode!” when switching to doggy style.

(207): I may be a little high but I’m pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
(617): We call that spaghetti Os

(650): the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
(1-650): dude, it’s 2 am.
(650): but its COMING

(732): you sent me 45 texts saying “meow?”
(1-732): did i?