So it’s been another week. I know, I know, where is your miraculous account of the wonderful week in Italy? Well, I am supposed to be back by now, but I predict that jet lag will probably prevent me from actually being able to write something on time, so I’ve written something in advanced again. And, I’ve decided to base it on something that got a good response from you a couple of weeks ago now: relationships, men and – yes, I’m going here one day – sex. 

Edit: Result, I’m back, I’ve had a nap, and I’m ready to write a short thing about the trip later on! And, I’ve noticed that I am the only author who hasn’t missed a deadline now. Either I’m just awesome, or I have to really rethink what the hell I’m doing with my life. 

The battle of the sexes has been going on for generations, and it’s always the same arguments. 

Men: We’re stronger.
Women: We can multitask. 
Men: Women can act manly, but not the other way round.
Women: We bleed once a month.

Funnily enough, that line manages to win it for us, no matter how long we argue for. It’s a bit odd, because the amount of blood some men must lose in brawls has got to at least give us a run for our money, but PMS rules all.  However, and you know this baffles me, we still want to be with each other at the end of the day. Not including homosexuals, though how they manage that is beyond me. I can’t even live with myself on a bad day, let alone ANOTHER female…

Anyway, my last blog had a lot of my own input and general opinion of a lot of women. Nevertheless, I did realise that I cannot account for all women. So, I decided to round up a few and ask for their opinion. Of course, there was some reluctance, but I managed to threaten persuade them to agree with this. And, just to throw it in, one of them will be me. Let’s see if you can figure it out!

Q1) OK. So I’m just going to dive in with this one. Most attractive quality in a male? 
Woman No. 1: Personality. And eyes.
Woman No. 2: His penis (Hysterical laughter and ‘KIDDING’ made me feel that maybe she didn’t want me to post that up. But I did.) Um… personality. 
Woman No. 3: He has to be funny. I cannot stress this enough. A funny guy is always the one who knows how to get to me. If you can make me sincerely laugh, then you’re practically there.

Q2) Alright, that was easy enough. Now what do you consider to be the biggest turn off?
Woman No. 1: If the guy is a jerk.
Woman No. 2: Hmm (Oh dear Lord)… When he’s being short with you or cynical. Like when you’re trying to talk with them and they just respond with, “OK.” 
Woman No. 3: Rowdy guys. I don’t get why boys think it’s impressive when they act like total dicks around their friends. The guy just ends up appearing so fake, and I can never stand it.

Q3) Sexiest/Most Appealing fictional character, and why?
Woman No. 1: Edward Cullen, bcause he’s a vampire with yellow eyes. (This is where we shamelessly self-promote the school newspaper coming up because it features Twilight addiction. Well this would be where, if it wasn’t for the fact I’m not sure what the newspaper’s actually called…)
Woman No. 2: Fictional character? Wow. (Laughter) Hmm, I have to think about this one. (And here we go again.) James Bond. Because not only is he intelligent, he’s sexy too. 
Woman No. 3: For the sex, probably Mr. Rochester from Jane Eyre, without his sappy stage half way through. He was dark, brooding and addicting. But in terms of who I would date the most… then, damn can’t think of one. I’ve got sex for brains.

 Q4) What’s the best advice you’ve ever had in the field of romance?
Woman No. 1: Follow your heart.
Woman No. 2: To be honest, none of my friends give me much romantic advice. That and half of them have no idea what to say anyways (laughter). (Lucky for her, she managed to take it back before I could actually be offended by that one. Still am, though.) 
Woman No. 3: F*ck ‘em. (Laughs) No. Probably just to be yourself. There’s no point trying to make a guy fall for someone you’re not. (I know. They keep effing saying. But Myself isn’t really doing a good job…)

Q5) Last one for now – or ever, you know how it is. If you could tell the world of men ONE thing, what would it be?
Woman No. 1: They suck. (Well put!) 
Woman No. 2: Hmm… OK (JESUS!) If you genuinely like a girl, then you shouldn’t waste time with just messing around with her. You could lose your chance if she feels too confused and gives up on you. On the other hand, if you don’t like her, then don’t lead her on. That could destroy your friendship.
Woman No. 3: (After a lot of umming and ahing – thanks for wasting half an hour of my life, by the way.) Live in the moment. We aren’t going to wait forever. (Or are we?)

So what can we take from this experience? Well, too many of you act like jackasses. English men are sexy – in fiction, anyway. Nobody seems to give a shit about how macho you are, so get over it. Anything else? Nothing you weren’t expecting. Or were you? I hope to one day do this for the guys, in case I have said earlier – I’m adding on after a week, give me a break – but only time will tell.

Now onto Italy.

I know that it would be very discourteous of me to completely brag about a trip that you didn’t go on. 

BUT IT WAS AWESOME! 

I’m not going to go into TOO much detail, since that would make this blog insanely long, and I would be depriving other authors of talking about it with me. So I’m just going to talk about the top (sort of) ten highlights that are not necessarily education – in fact, they’re not – but I feel that it may interest people to hear.

1. In Pompeii, there’s an old brothel in which erotic art is all over the walls of different sex positions. This was so that foreigners coming into the country could just point at what they wanted. And, if they didn’t know where to go, there is actually a penis pointing towards the brothel. This isn’t graffiti, folks. This was the work of one of the most sophisticated societies. 
2. Heather: If I had a boyfriend, I would bring him here.
   Tim: If I had a boyfriend, it would be AK.
3. OK actually comes from ‘all correct’. I know, we all see the flaws here.
4. Bella means ‘beautiful’, not woman. Heather learnt this the hard way when a waiter called her ‘Bella’ and she said, ‘I know.’
5. If you say you’re from Hong Kong, or speak Chinese, you get better bargains. Even in some actual small stores.
6. Salesperson: You dropped something.
   Carol: What?
   Salesperson: My heart.
   *Later*
   Salesperson: Someone dropped my heart…
7. You will never find a street that DOESN’T sell gelato in Italy.
8. Italy needs to rethink what stars they give which hotel. A four star hotel with a lock that doesn’t work? I don’t think so. On that note about the same hotel: apparently tourists fly all around the world to Italy to look at pictures of a slightly historical Yorkshire house.
9. Do you wanna die?!? It’s an in joke that not even I found funny, but you have to laugh every-time you see Brandon’s reaction.
10. I love Shoe shopping. Might as well save it for last.

Aim For Next Week: Relax your f*cking brain out. Even with the fun of Discovery Week, there were aspects that made your feet ache and your body collapse by eleven. So, not including times where you have to do your homework, chill and enjoy. We have plenty of gossip and sleep to catch up on, so I highly doubt you’ll find this a hard task.