When I was younger, I was stupid enough to consider myself lucky because I never had ‘the talk’ with my mother. My sister was there to teach me the awkward life lessons of sex, and I picked up other things as I went along. But, oh, weren’t there things  I didn’t see coming? There were so many life lessons I now wish that my mum would have prepared me for.

You know about body image, heartache, depression and so on, but knowing is not enough to understand it – to feel it. As a teenager, we are living the worst and best years of our lives. We’re young, energetic creatures with a whole future ahead of us, but we live on intuition, melodrama and a hard education in the school of “life” – as our favourite dropouts commonly speak of. One minute, you’re laughing with your friends so hard that you cry, but then you’re crying yourself to sleep. How did that happen?

Well, I don’t want to live on a whim. I want to have known how cruel and sour people can be, that the good lose now and again, and that the most difficult person to love is yourself at times. I want to know how to cope when love slaps you in the face and when lust becomes a sordid hunt. And how about why people who were once a great asset in one’s life turn into alcoholics, bitches or lechers. For these, I would have given up a couple of hours to sit uncomfortably with my mother. Because, if I had known before, I could’ve tried harder to change it. 

The hard times make you who you are – fair enough. But that’s not always a good thing. When I reflect on the bus, or in the middle of the night, I’m always angry at myself. Why are you so paranoid? You need to  be then, then they’ll like you. You shouldn’t have let them talk to you like that, even though it’s true. You can be better, but you choose to fail. WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?

This is a harsh confession, I know. One of the hardest things anyone can do is stand up and say, ‘I hate myself.’ The other is to finally love yourself; I’m working on that one. I’ve been looking at this blog for a while, thinking about what I could make of it. Light hearted? Sarcastic? Witty? Critical? Caring? Educational? What I eventually came to decide was to take bits and bobs of all of these to form one aspect: honesty. 

If you don’t like me – then stop reading me. To avoid sounding like a Stalinist, I’m purging my life. You don’t want me around, then I most likely won’t want you either, at the end of the day. Sorry if this kicks some egos in the backside, but one thing my mother did tell me was not to bother with the people who hurt you. Sixteen yours, and I’m finally starting to learn this. Yes, hopefully this is the start of something… 

Aim For Next Week: Be nice to someone in an unexpected way. In this past week, I’ve dealt with so many bitches and assholes, but I know I could really do with it! So someone else must!

The sad thing is, I’m just as guilty of it as anyone else. I have been known to seek out the truth, and return completely dissatisfied with what I have discovered. Then again, I’m an extremely paranoid person, so most of the time, the truth ends up being better than I expect. But I’m a messed up person, and shouldn’t be considered a constant representative of the majority. 

I bring this up because I have had a number of ugly incidents concerning the damn ‘truth’ over the past couple of weeks. People opening up, people giving warnings, and people just letting things slip every now and again. I’ve even been threatened with what people believe is the ‘truth’. No, not blackmail, but something slightly more sinister. And, to obviously solve one problem, a truth must be matched with a truth. Therefore, it only makes sense that I present what I have on the table. After all, what else can the power of control over a blog for one day with a limited audience be used for except to proclaim such truths every now and again? So here comes my public statement. If this means nothing to you, then excuse me. If this does mean something to you, then you’ll understand what I’m saying.

I’m a flawed person. We’re all flawed people. Everyone has their mistakes, and – not to isolate other religions by stating this – we must all take up our cross and bear these errors of judgement in life. And I am prepared to do so. Through a folly that was not my own to begin with, I have been reduced to a source of scandal that I fear may do some damage. I hope to find that most of you are confused with what I am saying. Because you don’t really know what’s happening. That’s good, I like this. And I don’t intend on telling you, as that is a truth for another day. But what I will say is, talk what ever the hell you want. I give you a free pass to judge me as you will. After a pleasant chat the other day, I have decided that I am willing to accept the position in life that I seem to be doomed to take on. And I think that’s a fair bit more than a lot of people are prepared to do, don’t you? 

Indeed, I’m learning to move on. Let the wrath of whatever may come attack. Because, the other night I was thinking over it, and I thought desperately of how to act. And each time I thought of solution, it lead to “How?” and then, “I don’t know.” So I picked up the phone, and thought about who to call. And then I came with a sudden realisation: I had people to call. And I think I still would. Even if whatever harsh attack was thrown at me, I still feel as if I could pick up the phone. In addition, I think that’s all I need for this. The people you love are the most vital thing in the world.

That comes onto my next topic: those you love. I care deeply about the close people in my life, and they will always know this. And yes, I’ve recently been severely hurt by what I felt was a foul return of said affections. Humiliated, patronised and very well betrayed, I think it’s safe to say that it’s been a bumpy ride. But that’s the harsh truth in life: people hurt you. If you can say that you have always picked right, that you have never been scarred by a friend, or that you have never done so yourself, then you’re lying. People hurt other people. Who knows why, and I care not to ask, not wishing for the human race to belittle itself any further. But I know this much now. The people who you love and who love you will not always been your guardian angel. The people who know you the best can hurt you the most. But they come back, if they want to. If you really think that a good friend cares deeply about the friendship, then you should expect them to return. If not, then that’s another pain in life I’m willing to take. 

The truth hurts on the most part, ladies and gentlemen. It’s rare that you really find a ‘good truth’. One the won’t hurt somebody, or cause anguish. But they exist. The person on the other side of the room who’ll never say, ‘I love you’; the first people who realise that you made it; or just that one human who wants to know if they’ll ever have to guys to admit that they’re sorry. I know I’m guilty of all of these are more. 

So there seems to be a more sombre post for this week. You’ll have to excuse me for that – it just seems to be in my mood. Have a pleasant weekend, everyone, and I’ll be back next week. 

Aim For Next Week: Tell any ‘good truth’ you can think of. It can be quick and painless, but I think we all need a few nice surprises in our immediate future. Agreed? 

Oh no, wait a second. I wasn’t considering the fact that it doesn’t snow in Hong Kong – ever. It will rain, to the point where it’s actually dangerous to be on the streets, but they won’t freeze it and give me a blizzard. I’m pretty sure I would be prepared to murder for a blizzard, just so that I could get that smooth sheet of pure snow when I wake up in the morning. I remember the sparse moments when it snowed in South-East England, and you looked out of your window at six in the morning to see the sets of footprints in the snow. 

But it’s officially winter. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, even though it was boiling yesterday afternoon, it definitely is. Winter has to be my favourite season, something about it being so mystical and romantic to me. However, I can’t help but think that there are its flaws. I was thinking 

about it when I was walking home today, a regime I want to stick to but know I’ll stop as soon as possible. 

So, since I love to ran with you guys, I think it’s time we had another list!

Bad Things About Winter:

• The Shaving Dilemma (Women Only): Like our fellow mammals, women are given fur for insulation. On those cold winter nights, you sometimes need all the help you can get. But sadly, PE has made sure to f*ck up all chances of covering up our legs if we wished to ‘forget’ to shave once in a while, and so we are merely left with the goose-bumps.
• Buying Presents: When a birthday comes around, all you need to do is give about one present – depending on the person. However, Christmas come around, and you realise that you stupidly have gotten yourself multiple close friends. Do you get them the same thing? Or, if not, how do you know who gets which one. And which place has the best Christmas sales? I’m just grateful that I’m not a parent for a while, since sorting this out for all my many relatives etc would certainly be a pain in the arse.
• Mistletoe (Singles only): The arch-foe of singles during Christmas time. Hung around the place, you avoid it at every cost. Obviously you’re not required to actually kiss, but either you’re with some randomer and there’s that awkward silence, or a pervert has decided that he will not leave, and will inform everyone about the rule of mistletoe – everyone who menstruates, that is. 
• Feeling lonely: I know that there’s your family, and for couple’s, it’s fine. But sometimes you realise that your hand misses being held every now and again. On top of that, everyone has family obligations, so the amount of time you can actually spend with friends is limited. And, after all, they’re the family you choose. 

Nevertheless, I told you be

fore that it’s my favourite season, and I stick by that. So, to be fair, it seems like we need another list to equal it out. 

Good Things About Winter:

• Christmas Music: It has to be said, I do love it. My house is completely filled with the holiday spirit where music is concerned. I think I pretty much know most of them off by heart. And if I don’t, then I want to. There is something about lying on your bed while ‘Winter Wonderland’ is playing in the background that kind of lifts your spirits. 
• Romance: Honestly, I think Winter and Christmas is more romantic than Valentine’s Day. On Valentine’s Day, you’re fussing about what to do with your partner or there’s pressure to find someone, and you end up arranging something last thing and giving each other sentimental gifts. On the days of December, you can relax at home, snuggled up on the sofa, and actually get gifts that are useful for the other three-hundred-and-sixty-four days of the year. I do like the sentimental stuff too, but I’d rather than a Bill Bailey live DVD. 
• Last Day of Term: Gifts, hanging out in Central with mates, and the freedom of knowing that you have a whole holiday ahead of you. And when you finally arrive home, you can crash out and think, ‘Let the celebrations begin.
• Christmas: Pretty much I’ve incorporated the reasons above, so I don’t need to say any more. 
• New Year’s Eve and Day: The start of a new year. While I usually find it sad to say good-bye to the year that’s just passed me, I can’t help but enjoy it. Fireworks and champagne, you just have to look out and see the people celebrating together. The drunkards coming back from Lan Kwai, couples ready for the New Year’s kiss – the whole shebang. 

I probably could think of more, but not for tonight. I’ve pretty much been out and about for the entire weekend, so it comes to a point where I just can’t deny

 the temptation to lie down and do absolutely nothing. 

Aim For Next Week: I don’t actually have any deep aim which is connected with this post that I haven’t said already. So, I’m just going to tell you to take a leap. Too many things have not happened because people have been too scared to go for it. Well, what bullsh*t. I have faith in you. If you fall, pick yourself up again. We have our whole lives to fix the things that have gone wrong.

Living Water International is the charity we’re working through with our fundraising proceeds. This is a video one of their staff (and liaison) posted on FB and popped up on my feed not so long ago. It is the story of the thirsty.

The Story of the Thirsty from Living Water International.

Let’s start with:

Gingerbread

As much as I do enjoy gingerbread, I am allergic to its primary ingredient: the ginger.

My best friend in primary school used to hold annual gingerbread house parties around Christmastime. Awesome, right? It was. Unfortunately, that high concentration of sugar inevitably prompted dogs to come sniffing about; a dog ate my completed gingerbread contraption all three times afterward (it was after those incidents that I learned never to leave food unattended, lest it end up in the possession of dogs or … ‘friends’). While they may have technically saved me from anaphylaxis … I’d also really liked to have tried some.

Yo Mama

I still prefer Yo Mama to Berrygood. The original flavour at Yo Mama is tangier, and they’re more generous with their toppings, if not with their yoghurt (the dreaded hole!). And the logo is cuter.

The first time I was taken to Yo Mama, I was so happy I couldn’t eat for several seconds. Several looooong seconds that enabled Charmaine to get a head start on the fro-yo.

The evident bite marks in the fro-yo may somewhat contradict my tale, but those most likely belong to Charmaine or something.

Kimchi

According to my cravings list, in which I tally up all the cravings I’ve had since February ’09, I have had four intense cravings for kimchi. This fermented vegetable is apparently one of the top 5 healthiest foods in the world … and is really yummy. Especially from

Yoshinoya.

Despite there being only one vegetarian entrée on the menu, Yoshinoya is that incredible and rightfully earns a place of glory as the temporary screensaver on my phone:

The one time I needed it, the screensaver failed to load. But that’s what it should look like.

By all means feel free to view the above as a Christmas wishlist.

I also spent the past few days decorating my wall with horse posters kindly donated by some kind stranger German stream:

This is an incomplete Wall o’ Horse, but just a few posters shy of the completed version.

It took me a couple of days to complete … as you might (not) have noticed, everything is perfectly straight. Pictured above is also my very favourite fridge magnet; one depicting ‘The Laws of Straightness’. I’m pleased to announce that I’ve followed all the laws to the T.

It was about Fro-Yo.

Now before you gape in shock at the above oxymoron, or make any immediate judgments about the cool rather unusual subject of my dream, I ask you to first listen to this scarring subconscious encounter.

I was buying fro-yo. I guess this was Yo Mama instead of Berry Good, because I only ordered two toppings for $40 instead of three. The specific TNC at which I purchased this cup of oral delight was much less important to me than the actual cup itself, clearly.

The shopkeeper was unpleasant, unlike Aileen from Berry Good. Once, she gave me extra fro-yo when I onsidered buying a second cup of ‘Indulge’. AND I got an extra stamp, which meant one less to go before I get a free cup of fro-yo using my Berry Good card. Yeah as you can see, we’re pretty tight, Aileen and I. But evil virtual Aileen wasn’t like that. She grouchily scooped the swirls of fro-yo into the cup, and the moment she was finished, I knew she was spooning too little. According to my experience, the tip of the swirl has to at least reach 5cm above the rim of the cup. This one didn’t even go beyond it. Fuming at the injustice of her rationing, I complained vociferously.

However, little did I anticipate that she would respond with further bitterness. She snapped, “What toppings do you want?” “Oreo bits.” I immediately replied. However, the oreo bits weren’t well grounded, so they fell like bat droppings on my elegant white swirls of yummyness. The sight was most disquieting. Letting go, I ordered my second topping.

Now, you have to understand this- I was dreaming. I wasn’t in control of my decisions. The dream dictated the course of events. Perhaps it was out of some inexplicable desire to try out something new, or perhaps I just simply lost my marbles. Either way, I didn’t pick strawberries. Strawberries and oreos. It’s ALWAYS strawberries and oreos. But no, before I knew it, my hand directed itself towards some nutty granola bits. And before I could come to terms with this horrific revelation, iLeen 2.0 (hahahah get it) had already shoved the flakes of annihilation into my helpless cup.

It was terrible.

What was even worse was that, I WOKE UP before I got to eat my fro-yo. MY VIRTUAL FRO-YO! VIRTUAL $40 WASTED ON FRO-YO LEFT UNEATEN! 

I wonder what fro-yo would taste like in dreams.

I’m gonna chime “fro-yo, fro-yo…” before I go to sleep tonight.

That’s right.

Before I knew it, the couple who lives on the floor above me were having a screaming match. I couldn’t make out the words, but the volume gave you a distinct feel of what was going on. The woman was the most upset, screaming to her heart’s content, while the male was only shouting; that was, until there was one loud bang, to which I predicted that he was responsible. Then came the sobs. The woman cried something awful up until about half four in the morning – mixed in with some screaming, now and again. 

While listening to all of this, I couldn’t help but feel like my insides were churning. After all, what does one do in that situation? When I came out to ask my family if they heard it, they gave a negative reply and made me realise that my room was possibly one of the few places you could hear the scene, as they had mostly confined it to one spot. So what do you do? I definitely couldn’t sleep after that, tossing and turning for most of the night, still remembering the piercing sound of the woman’s cry. 

I apologise for starting with such a negative subject, but one of the worst things in the world to remember is that it’s such a sh*t place to live in. So what I’m trying to do is cheer you up with a few short things. Sadly, the previous night has made me insanely tired, so dedicating myself to one concept may prove to become difficult.

Halloween. What fun times. I had never really celebrated Halloween much back in the UK, since the areas around me were slightly dodgy, but before this one I have had two experiences of Halloween.

1) When I was about four, I went trick or treating as Snow White. A man dressed as a wolf informed me that he wanted to eat me. It was safe to say I was scarred for a number of years. 
2) Last year, I went to discovery bay as a chavvy school girl. OK, so I wore my old uniform and scraped my hair back. But you never know how much effort people are going to put into their costumes. After seeing other peoples, I felt quite bad for my lack of effort.

So this year, I decided to go all out.  Although the aim was to be a circus curator with a little ‘va va voom’, I ended up being a show girl. And I was quite excited about it. I found some fish net stockings with the garters and all and even had a little hat I had picked up with in Italy. When I tried it on in front of the mirror, I was quite pleased with myself. I even did the make up and everything. And, most importantly, all problem areas had been dealt with, so I felt I could walk around in piece. That was, until I realised the fatal flaw:

I would have to wear this in public.

Showing most of your thigh may not cause any problems when you’re modelling your outfit in front of the mirror, but it’s quite different when you have to walk past your family and lots of little children to get to your cab. Fortunately, my great uncle John – who is now in his eighties – is a gordie and didn’t take any offence in it.  And the children seemed fine to. It was the parents, at this point. It took a lot of waiting until one of them got the courage to be civil with me and not give that look that says, ‘You better not encourage my six-year-old to have intercourse,’ which I just think ruins the whole spirit of this holiday. You’re supposed to encourage everyone to have intercourse.

So the night went on, and some positive encouragement helped me stay pretty much on balance – despite the one person who I knew who laughed. While momentarily offended, I recalled the fact that I laugh at time after almost every time we meet, so I went on. On the experience, I once again learnt that none of you actually plan to live, by the amounts of candy you received. And apparently most of the candy was gone by the time we actually began. Shocker!

On my final note on Halloween, I’m looking for a Hermione Granger for next year. I’ve got a Harry, a role I’ve taken on, and a Ron, but the final people I asked wanted to be Draco and Dumbledore, as opposed to Hermione. If you are interested, don’t speak up since I probably didn’t have you in mind. Just kidding… Perhaps. 

So I actually ended up wanting to round this blog up quite quickly – do forgive me. One more things I want to do though is recommend two songs to you, because I’m pretty much addicted to them. 

1) Heartache Tonight – Michael Bublé
2) Let’s Give Them Something To Talk About – Bonnie Raitt.

Aim For Next Week: Give a hug to someone. Even just hearing that argument made me want to crawl into someone’s arms.  You know how much I want to promote love on this, and today’s no different. 

P.S The man’s begun shouting again, and It’s mid day. Get moving, huggers!

After returning I had a freezing shower. I started thinking of adjectives to describe the frigidity of the water. I had only begun on the cliche ones – a cold dagger – when torrential heated water gushed forth from the shower head. Lucky one there indeed.

Going back, I bought a “Well” laptop notebook the day before. It is a 10.5″ with a hard crimson laminated shell. Best of all, it weighs in at only 100g and never needs recharging. This, my friends, is the epitome of technology.  

Oh, and talk about the school netbook discount program. This one cost HK$39 original price.

Derek also took advantage of the situation and bought this one:

Just, “Wow”.

 And a thank you to Arthur Lee for covering me Friday.

Power suspension on 28 Oct 2009, 9.00 – 17.00

9.10: Woke up because it was too warm – no air conditioning
9.15: Attempted to switch on the light in the toilet
9.20: Electrical powered water heater = no hot water for shower
9.30: Happy that laptops use battery power
9.30: Forgot the modem and router require electricity… no internet
9.31: Again, attempted to switch on the light in the toilet
9.35: Watched brother as he attempted to switch on the light in the toilet
10.30: All family members awake – all jealous of my laptop
11.00: Gave up on life without electricity – went out.

17.30: Returned home, switched on the computer, switched on the air conditioning, took a shower

Sounds like a day without electricity is rather depressing. But it is probably the modern world we are living in that makes electricity so important. We can live without air conditioning, without hot water, or maybe even without a computer (please… you must understand the importance of computers in my life). Or if we lived in caves and relied on the burning of twigs to keep warm or to illuminate our shelters, electrical outages would be the least of our concerns.

It was decided that I would be working in a chemistry lab as a lab technician/assistant. I’m not sure what gave me the idea in the first place but, well, it happened. There wasn’t really very much to do at times, which is why there are noticeable gaps in my work experience report, but I’ve covertly filled in with things the actual technicians were doing (‘observing’) so it’s all right. But no matter, this gave me a perfect opportunity to take photos. I even have one of myself … but I’m not about to give it away just like that.

Photographs under the cut.

The office. I swear I didn’t take this photograph back at school…

And, on the other side, the marvelous, inspirational view from my desk!

Their classrooms are so much larger than ours. And look, a whole crate of Burette clamps … I’m almost jealous.

Really funky wooden test-tube holders. I’m missing a photo of them in action, but you probably don’t share the same fascination with them as I do. All is well.

If you were expecting anything to spontaneously combust immediately after opening that cupboard, prepare to be sorely disappointed. Halogens. Psh.

Swarm.

Oh yeah, did I mention this was an all-boys’ school?

Viewer discretion is advised for the following two images.
Remember: what has been seen, cannot be unseen.

(but they’re kind of cool, in a totally twisted way.)

And perhaps the most graphic of all:

You have no idea how much this irritated me. Every. Single. Day.

I also took a photo of a van with an old lady at the wheel. The radio was blasting death metal, so I thought it’d be cool to take a photo of it. I’m still not sure why I did that.